“Don’t Try”
Posted by Gabbi "El Pulpo Negro" | Filed under Bukowski, Drinking partners, Idol worship, Love, My life, Uncategorized, Wasted..., Wisdom, bum wine
“The nine-to-five is one of the greatest atrocities sprung upon mankind. You give your life away to a function that doesn’t interest you. This situation so repelled me that I was driven to drink, starvation, and mad females, simply as an alternative.”
—Charles Bukowski, Sunlight Here I Am: Interviews & Encounters 1963-1993, 2003
My drinking life leads me down many varied paths - emotionally, musically, artistically, and literary. My bookshelf is weighed down with a thick collection of books that focus around drinking, addiction and leaving it all behind for a better or worse life - tales of those that have lived a life stiffened up with a strong drink and other good medicines. These are the people who’s stories have made me on some occasions feel more normal, inviting me to be part of a larger group that matters somehow. In other occasions, they have given me support to keep on the semi-straight and narrow with their tales of lost ways. Most often, they have inspired me to stay true to who I am, to what I love, and to enjoy life for what it is…wonderful, and sometimes more wonderful with a drink in hand. Recently in these literary wanderings I have found my ideal example of a writer, and his name is Charles Bukowski.
“Some people never go crazy… what truly horrible lives they must live” - Charles Bukowski, Barfly (script) 1984
If you know Bukowski, you love him or hate him. I love him…ALOT. His words offend and are raw to the eye, and one cannot deny their honesty. He is known for being soft spoken and caring, an odd coupling to how his writing comes across. This all is what has brought me to reading and writing about him. A German-American Poet, novelist and short story writer, he is best known for his gritty, true-life, autobiographical tales based in his home city of Los Angeles - Bukowski’s writing is grounded in his love of Alcohol and Women, and his honest representation of the ordinary lives of the downtrodden American. Time Magazine called him a “laureate of American lowlife“, a title any of us could be proud of. His career was kick started with the 1971 novel “Post Office“, an ode to the drudgery of work, followed by an incredibly prolific career of writing - 6 novels, hundreds of short stories and more poems than one can count. This is not someone who fell naturally into fame, but stumbled into it while just living his hard life. As the documentary about him was so aptly titled, he was “Born into this“.
“Anybody can be a non-drunk. It takes a special talent to be a drunk. It takes endurance.” - Charles Bukowski, Barfly (script) 1984
In reading his 1978 novel “Women” I have been floored by the acceptance of his condition and role in life. He does not seek out fame, does not seek out money, or any sort of improvement of his life. He is happy just living, being alone most the time, drinking - and when not alone, being in the company of women. Lots of women, till of course they leave him, he bores of them, or something else happens. For Bukowski, sometimes things just happen. People get bored, Love is not meant to last, and generally he didn’t really like people - “I don’t hate people, I just like it better when they’re not around” he wrote - and hated the trappings of everyday life, in preference to the mundane simpicities. Love is there to entertain you, entice you, then hurt you. He was happy alone for all these reasons.
“I could see the road ahead of me. I was poor and I was going to stay poor. But I didn’t particularly want money. I didn’t know what I wanted. Yes, I did. I wanted someplace to hide out, someplace where one didn’t have to do anything. The thought of being something didn’t only appall me, it sickened me . . . To do things, to be part of family picnics, Christmas, the 4th of July, Labor Day, Mother’s Day . . . was a man born just to endure those things and then die? I would rather be a dishwasher, return alone to a tiny room and drink myself to sleep.”
— Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye, 1982
Alcohol always played a great part in his life, from his first drink. He stated during these early days saying “This (alcohol) is going to help me for a very long time”. Unapologetic about his life, he lived it and took what came. Warts and all, he lived as he wanted and things came to him as needed to, good and bad. I am inspired by his writing to be satisfied with who I am, whether its the days I do not want to do anything, the days I want to drink everything, or the perfect constant calm in between it all, being a good husband, father and person. I do love that when reading Bukowski I want to have a drink, and feel that I am drinking with the author, which is a treat for me as the reader.
“That’s the problem with drinking… if something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen” - Charles Bukowski, Women 1978
Bukowski died on March 9, 1994, six years shy of his planned death in the year 2000 - he loved the roundness of the number, and had hoped to have sex with an 18 year old on this, his last year. Alas, this did not happen. His gravestone reads “Don’t Try“, a phrase which Bukowski uses in one of his poems, advising aspiring writers and poets about inspiration and creativity. In a 1963 letter to a friend, Bukowski explains what this meant to him - ‘Somebody at one of these places … asked me: “What do you do? How do you write, create?” You don’t, I told them. You don’t try. That’s very important: not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more. It’s like a bug high on the wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out, slap out and kill it. Or if you like its looks you make a pet out of it.‘
I am not a writer, but just some guy that writes. I often get stuck when I feel an obligation to write, and force myself to put something out for some invisible audience, or just for me. “Don’t Try” reminds me to let things just happen, let the good things come, or not come. Let ideas be just that, not forced, but natural. Just be. I will always think of Bukowski when feeling that I have no inspiration, and remeber that its ok to not be inspired, I will be again…and go have a drink instead.
August 15th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
Wow Bukowski was the shit. And his writing is the shit. Straight to the trigger, not a second thought, just pull. I would love to get closer to this kind of living. Maybe with a little help from a strange, yet honest friend. Meet Senior Tequila. Thanks for the truth my G friend.
November 27th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
That was a beautiful entry. Thanks for sharing it. I was doing a Google image search and found your site. Very artistic. Very well done. Will stop again sometime.
Signed, a fellow tequila drinker
November 27th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Right on friend. I keep getting deeper and deeper into Bukowski, recently tattooed “Don’t Try” on my arm. Good times. Thanks for checking out the Journal and your kind words.
cheers!
gabbi